The wild woman arose.
Furious, she reviewed my life at that moment and asked “How did I get here?
This isn’t what I imagined my life would be like at all.
What about my dreams, what about my convictions?
There is so much consumption, so much waste, so much distraction, disconnection…
This isn’t how I thought I’d be as a mother.
Where is my tribe?
Where do we run?"
She refused to stay suppressed anymore. This is how it can happen when our soul KNOWS that a change is in order. Do you know the feeling of a relentless cry inside, when your whole being says,
"This isn't right, It's time for CHANGE!"
This song is full of the memory of how I used to walk the earth, before I became a mother and a wife. I prided myself on living a simple, minimalistic, and earth connected life, because that was where my heart was. When I met my husband, abundance flooded my life and the pace of change quickened. I harbored rage within, it came out in the most unpleasant ways, and it was because I wasn't doing anything about that fact that my soul knew that I wasn’t walking in my truth. I was out of balance and filled with uncertainty.
I wrote this song last summer on July 18th. The feels where so big, I took sometime for myself and this song was born. My longing, my joy, my heart, my grief, my dedication for reclaiming and integrating authentic wholeness are the energies of this sonic offering.
I speak of "returning to the wildness of my being".
I acknowledge that I can not go back in time to an earlier version of me, nor would I want to. I have grown tremendously through the struggles of partnerships and motherhood, and I have cultivated resources that ally my healing and transformation. My life is so beautiful, rich, giving, overflowing, and I am so grateful.
"Returning" is BOTH/AND not either/or.
What I mean by that is, I don’t have to walk away from the life I have been co-creating to walk with my truth as a wild woman. The Wild Woman archetype wants a seat at the council of my soul, she wants to be heard, respected, and share her divine wisdom for cultivating an authentic life. Holding her hand and hearing her cries was essential for me in this reintegration.
I have called her back and I feel more whole and true to me.
She asks me to teach the girls about healing plants, to share in wonder of the world with them, to let myself talk to the plants and lay on the earth more, she welcomes me to howl at the moon and to find my tribe, to consider how I can cut back on waste, to dream about a healthy earth and be willing to make new choices that align with the vision of the world I want to live in and hand off to the future generations. I share with her about patience, self compassion, commitment to others, building home and love. I feel more patient with myself now about the changes I long to incorporate while holding the question and offering a curious openness to HOW?
This video is a visual diary of sorts. I love taking little videos, and it's fun to share my collection accompanied to my musical art! The videos are from my "Ladies Trip" adventure to the Na Pali Coast and Kokee State Park on the Hawaiian Island of Kauai. The drone footage my husband Joel took on his birthday trip to the Na Pali Coast. It's a remote part of the island you can only get to by hiking 11 miles or see by boat. It's an amazing place to go and connect with our vibrant earth and elements. I fell in love with a Tamarind Tree there, and relished feeling like a nature sprit dipping into the cool waterfall pools in the sanctity of sisterhood. My beloved wild sister, Colleen, shares her rich muddy toes. There is a super vulnerable shot of me crying…
Mahalo to The Spot Studios, Rich Veltrop and Glenn Sawyer, for engineering and producing this recording. I'm so grateful to our amazing team of musicians, Patrick Smith on Drums, Emily Rose Lewis on Violin, Bob Brown on the Upright Bass, Glenn Sawyer on the Keys and Digital Cello, and myself on the Ukulele and Vocals.
I hope this song will inspire you to listen to the parts your soul wants to call home. Remember both/and! Be gentle with yourselves, we are cosmic children going through a door at a time.
XOXO
"Returning"
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